u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Someone shattered a urinal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
