saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
