VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
