I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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