You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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