I wish I only lived at night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
