I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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