How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
