all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
