Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize