Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
