One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
