the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
