how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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