Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
