AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
