i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
