did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Never underestimate the power of titties
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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