he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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