but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
