omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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