im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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