my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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