how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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