He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
