I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
