your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
