I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
