glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
