Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
