Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize