Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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