I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
