the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish there were birth control emojis
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
