Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
