i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
