Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
