I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
