Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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