You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
