I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize