look no pants
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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