The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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