im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
