Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
