totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
