i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
