Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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