i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
