His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
