I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
