dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
