I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
