i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
