you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
