i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
