i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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