Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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