I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
