Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm like, not good at living.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
