dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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