the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize