Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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