If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
