i already hear my dad disowning me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
that is very illegal...i love you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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