You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
