Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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